It is fascinating how the role of new media can change a society. Apart from what we saw what happens in Iran, it shapes the young people in India as well.
Facebook seems to have major role in establishing first contact, merging cybercontacts with reality. This does actually support my idea that online friendship and peergroups are totally acceptable and one (especially generation 30+) should never forget that this is very often as real. After meeting the opposite gender, there is this hurdle that you are not supposed to even hold hands in public. So, people make out in cinemas and... internet cafes as they have wonderful screens at the side. I am actually sitting inside one compartement and it would be pretty cosy with Thomas ;).
Also, sleeping over is nearly impossible; students often still live at their parents place, if not, the landlords kick would kick you out if they would find out. Then there are the lodges (I am residing in places like that). Still they don't allways allow people to go there unmarried ("You are a student behave like a student", funny how the view of how a student should be is different all over the world...).
When girls go clubbing, they have to wear their overcoat until they are inside and then take it off.
I am wondering, dear Sara, is this similar to what happens in Iran?
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pretty much yes.
BeantwoordenVerwijderenthere is a non-religious upper-middle-class sub-culture that lives just like europe. it was possible to do this publicly before the revolution, but now everything is behind closed doors, the contrast between the public and private scene is so drastic at times that it is unbelievable.
There is however a large portion of the population that is very traditional AND religious. They may have lots of taboos and restrictions. And then there are some like me who, I would say, are not traditional, but religious. It means that we may have some restrictions in our lifestyles that are self-chosen and mainly moral/religious and we abide to them because we thinks it's a healthier way to live (just like other ppl who chose other lifestyles, and I have seen that you have some kinds of these moral/religious rules yourself).
There are also those who may not be really that religious, but traditional, they may also somewhat embrace religious rules as part of their tradition or not.
I find more problem with tradition than religion, because religious rules, though not monolithically practiced by all believers, are rather clear, and their reasons are more or less understandable. But tradition can have a bunch of irrational and superstitious stuff bunched up with some possibly positive stuff (nice festivals, rituals, ...), and it can ruin people's lives. However, of course, anything forced on people is just stupid and wrong and can ruin their lives.
What I want to emphasize here is to try to look at it from the perspective that you have not seen it from :) Let me put it this way: I have never drunk alcohol and have never felt that I am missing out on something by not doing so, similarly with engaging in night-club culture, I simply never felt I wish I had tried it out. Just don't think it's cool. Same goes for having a boyfriend. So it is not the case that the way their culture works is just wrong and everybody over there is sex-thirsty and drooling to go to a club. some are like that, and some aren't. Maybe because of your specific circumstances, you see more of the ones who are, but it doesn't mean that the others do not exist.
Also remember that people over there have been living with their traditions for years, if they are doing something out of sheer stupidity (like burning the wife with the dead husband in India or FGM in some parts of the african/arab world) those customs should change (and that should be from within the culture). But this does not mean that of it is normal in europe for people to french kiss in the street, then it is outrageous that the poor people in India can not even hold hands (I'm not judging about this particular example, just get the concept). Do remember that part of this urge to french kiss in the street has come from "Western" media outlets, and that is why people are wanting to do it like that, otherwise surely there have been people falling in love in india for years and they found themselves some way of making out, getting married, etc. ;)
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Also it is not the case that whoever does not have sex before marriage is a sex-thirsty jerk who cannot control themselves, even if they get married later. I have seen plenty who are totally normal and very polite, as there are guys who are with a different woman every night and still do not spare staring at the ass of every one who passes by. It's a matter of character too, and while abstinence may seem weird after the sexual revolution, it is not so weird asd it is made to look in the sexualized world that we are living in.
BeantwoordenVerwijderenI have not been to India/Pakisan, but have read quite a lot of blogs by ppl with desi origin, which gives me a feeling that in some ways more traditional than Iran. Not exactly sure how to put this, and maybe I am wrong, but there seems to be more taboos.
i hope this doesn't sound like a boring lecture, didn't mean to write so much (much longer than you original post!), it just happened :)
I just don't want you to fall in this "Western savior" colonial-style attitude, although I obviously don't think your like that, just clarifying :D
(btw, why don't you reply to my questions in the comments section? not your blogging style?)
take care
Mmmh. You are right, somehow. But I still think that everyone should have at least the right to live in its own way, which here is not possible (yet). The main problem I see, are people who do not want to live in this traditional way (and there are many of them) but are forced to. The story I repeatedly heard was "I loved this girl, but when she was 22 her parents married her". It is not about french kissing in the street, but about forcing young people to live a life they don't want. I totally respect decisions like yours, it is somewhat admirable. But shouldn't everyone have the right to live his own life the way (s)he wants to?
BeantwoordenVerwijderenyup, i would put the "stupid traditions" bag.
BeantwoordenVerwijderenI think we agree on this. I would say people should be free to choose their lifestyles, definitely.
it is on the borderlines of what is accepted in any society that such issues arise though (e.g. should nudists be alowed to be nude in the streets in europe?), and it is a fine line between just setting social norms and restricting people's freedom, and honestly in many cases, i cannot decide what side i would personally take in such dilemmas.
I just know that what is accepted in any society should be set by people living in that society, and should be changed by them.
btw, a dutch-turkish girl i had met here was going to iran with her sisters, i gave her my family's tel# and they ended up staying with them and seemed to have a very good time (up to now) in iran. maybe you would still like to go there ;) or shall we stick to the going together some day plan (better for me of course)?
My dear Sara, I would love to go to Iran with you -- as soon as I have collected money and holidays. Just make sure that you will not get into trouble...
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